You and Your Spouse are Considering Divorce

If you and your spouse are considering getting a divorce but still feel a spark of hope, you’re in the right place. I can help you gain clarity on if your problems together are solvable, we will work together in the process. Sometimes problems in a marriage aren’t solvable and I will help you through this process if that is the case. Even if you’ve been to couples counseling before, discernment counseling is much different and is through a different lens and approach. Sessions are short-term and solutions focused.

Reasons Why Couples Consider Divorce

Poor communication: Constant arguments, disagreements and fights can push couples to the brink of wanting to get a divorce.

Lack of sex or intimacy: If there is a decline in intimacy, sex or connection, this can lead to loneliness, depression and dissatisfaction.

Betrayal or Infidelity: Any type of betrayal and broken trust is a common reason why couples seek divorce. For couples where one partner cheated or had an affair, this can cause strain and damage to a relationship.

Differing Values: Couples who realize their values are different or changing may start thinking about divorce.

Growing Apart: Stagnation can take hold when a couple feels they are growing apart. Their interests, hobbies, desires and values may start to change.

Financial Strain: Fighting about money is another common reason couples can think about divorce.

Addiction: If there are addiction issues such as substance abuse, gambling, pornography, internet, drug, alcohol, etc. This can cause a significant amount of strain on a relationship.

Unrealistic Expectations: One partner may have too high of expectations leading to constant disappointment or perhaps once the “honeymoon” phase ended, couples are unable to accept the other person for who they are or constantly wanting them to change.

In-Law or Family Conflict: Sometimes couples have familial conflict that can cause a lot of strain on a relationship dynamic.

Benefits of Discernment Counseling

Provides a Safe Space for Communication

Couples who are considering divorce are typically filled with anger or resentment, this can be hard to discuss issues without an expert. The therapist acts as a mediator and can help facilitate positive, constructive conversations.

Encourages Personal Growth and Fulfillment

Not only will you learn about your marriage as a couple but also individually. Although it isn’t individual counseling, discernment counseling focuses on personal growth and self-reflection. The therapist will help each individual and their role in the marriage. By having the opportunity for growth, it can lead to a better understanding of desires, wants and needs.

Helps Couples Make an Informed Decision

One of the main goals of discernment counseling is to help couples make an informed decision about the future of their relationship. By exploring their options and understanding the underlying issues in their marriage, couples can make a decision that is best for them. Through counseling sessions, moving forward with clarity and confidence is the goal in discernment counseling

Reduces Conflict and Resentment

To get to a point of discernment counseling, conflict and resentment are at a high. By providing a safe space for communication, the therapist can help the couple move forward in a healthy way. Even if this means getting a divorce, being better equipped for the hard conversations in a more open and honest way, moving away from conflict.

Can Save Your Marriage

To start discernment counseling, there needs to be a spark of hope that the marriage can stay together. It doesn’t always end up that way and figuring out your outcome for the marriage is the reasons couples start discernment counseling. By addressing underlying issues and improving communication, some couples may find that they are able to work through their problems and decide to stay together. Even if the couple ultimately decides to divorce, the skills and tools learned in discernment counseling can help them navigate the process in a more amicable way.

How does Discernment Counseling work?

The process is short-term and solutions focused counseling. The process itself is no more than 10 hours. There are between 1-5 sessions total in discernment counseling. Each session is 2 hours long.

In discernment or pre-divorce counseling, you will decide which path to take at the end of our time together. That may mean keeping things how they are currently, deciding to stay together and commit to couples therapy, then re-evaluating after six months, or deciding to separate or divorce.

The first few sessions in discernment counseling will consist of meeting individually for me to gather information about your relationship. In discernment counseling, your marriage may be saved but there is no way to know this and why discernment counseling is a way to gain direction to know if you’re headed in the direction of staying together or going your separate ways. We will work together on figuring this out to ultimately have you both gain clarity and wisdom.

Is Discernment Counseling Right for You?

Discernment counseling is not for everyone. It is specifically designed for couples who are unsure about the future of their relationship and are considering divorce. If you and your partner are experiencing significant conflict and are not open to the possibility of reconciliation, discernment counseling may not be the best option for you.

However, if you and your partner are willing to work through your issues and are open to exploring your options, discernment counseling can be a valuable tool. It can provide a safe space for communication, encourage personal growth, and help you make an informed decision about the future of your relationship.

Who isn’t a good fit for discernment counseling?

For couples who are considering divorce, there are reasons why this type of counseling isn’t for you. If you’re unsure, please reach out for a free 15-minute consultation, and I will see if you’re a good fit for discernment counseling.

Here are a few reasons why discernment counseling wouldn’t work:

• There is active domestic violence.

• Only one partner wants to attend pre-divorce counseling, both parties must be willing to participate or discernment counseling will not be beneficial or work.

• If you know you will never work out and there isn’t a spark of hope. I suggest looking into individual post-divorce/breakup therapy instead to help you through the loss and grieving process while creating your new life.

• If one or both partners are not genuinely committed to exploring the possibility of reconciliation, addressing underlying issues, or making necessary changes to improve the relationship. In that case, pre-divorce counseling may not be beneficial.

• In situations with complex legal issues, ongoing custody battles, or significant disagreements regarding property division, pre-divorce counseling may not be the most appropriate intervention. Legal counsel or mediation services may be more suitable to address these specific concerns.

• In cases where one or both partners struggle with severe mental health issues that significantly impair their ability to participate in counseling or make informed decisions, individual therapy or psychiatric intervention may be necessary before engaging in pre-divorce counseling.